La Vida Renovada

La Vida Renovada

This is not going to be a blog full of clever musings when I get the chance to sit down and try to make people smile by making myself laugh first. This is real, and personal. That’s why it’s completely new, and my old blog can still be read. I love to write, but can’t seem to come up with some poetic intro to “suck the reader in,” so I’m just going to be honest and lay it out there, and then try to explain why.

It’s Time for a Change:

Last week, our church in Conway had a meeting which they titled, “Revive Us Again.” The sermons were very entertaining and thought provoking, and were well presented versions of the standard revival topics of, “not much time, make the change now.” You know, the kind of stuff that the visiting preacher can scream because everybody needs to hear it but nobody wants to.

I heard the lessons, and had some serious thoughts while I was standing in the pew during the invitation songs, but it really took a while to sink in, I guess. In the time for it to process, I took an exhaustingly quick and mostly fun trip to Memphis, and then spent the rest of the week doing exactly as I had done before, not a whole lot of anything.

I’ve not been the happiest lately. I say I can’t explain why, which for the most part is true. I CAN explain it, but I assumed nobody would understand it. After another rough day today, with no good reason why other than I just wasn’t happy, I sat down and prayed.

After a few minutes of what seemed like rambling, I got this feeling of “why are you not up working?” Suddenly, it hit me. It’s time for a change. My life is not where I want to be? I don’t think other people would understand? Why SHOULD they understand? It’s not their life. It’s up to me. I have to get up and do it.

I’ve Been Blessed:

Let me say this before you think I’m not grateful for what I have. I’ve been so blessed. This is so cliché, but truly, if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t. I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason and everything that happens in your life shapes who you are. While I wouldn’t change the past, I can use the past to help me change the future.

The old church song says, “Count your blessings, name them one by one,” But in my case, that’s not possible. I just have one answer, “EVERYTHING.” I have fought against what some would consider great odds to be where I am, although I didn’t think it too big a deal since I didn’t know anything else. I have a great family, and a chance as a houseparent to influence not only my children, but the lives of other children who weren’t blessed in the same way I was.

The Problem As I See it:

But what am I teaching them? The answer might lie in why I think I’ve been unhappy. I have to be one of the least disciplined people, at home, that I have ever known. When I worked in various aspects of business, I would struggle from time to time and my bosses would all say the same thing. “You don’t have a sense of urgency; you don’t seem to want it.” Well, I did want “it,” or I thought I did. I would get upset, and examine my methods. Over time, I had developed a very good habit of planning and organization, and had honed the skill to show that elusive “sense of urgency.”

But since coming into the ministry of raising up to eight troubled children, plus my two? Terrible. My house is a wreck, all the time. My wife hates it when I call our house a “COPS House.” (You know how the house looks when they go arrest someone on COPS) It’s so disorganized. I can’t physically see things to find them when there is such disorder. I have to have a place for everything, and everything in its place. But that’s not how it is at my house, anywhere. Who do I blame? Not Katherine, while her system of organization may differ from mine, she’s the best mom in the world, and does the best she can. So what was the problem?

Financially, I’ve never been “good.” From the day in my senior year of high school when I had to get a bank account to put in checks that were given as graduation gifts, it’s been all downhill. But wait, that was FIFTEEN YEARS AGO! That’s five years before I even met my wife, and ten years before my first child. That’s just dumb. And how bad is it all these years later? Since I said I was going to be honest, I will. How did I know we could afford our last move from South Texas to Central Arkansas? I didn’t. Straight up. I thought we could, and turns out I was right, but I didn’t have it planned. Sure, I made some decisions that saved a buck or two here or there, and I don’t want people to think I or Katherine are being irresponsible with our family’s money. But what I mean by not knowing if we could afford it, is that I didn’t have a plan B if something went wrong. I didn’t know what we were looking at as far as unforeseen expense coverage. I’ve had bad credit, and been one missed paycheck away from disaster for 15 years now, I’m sure you’ll agree with me when I say that is beyond unacceptable. And actually, it’s pretty embarrassing.

Lastly, and this one is self-explanatory, my health is nowhere close to what it needs to be. While I love food, and will visit the diet last, my physical condition is just not pretty. While I’ve been blessed to not be diagnosed with any major problem yet, I sometimes worry that it’s just because I haven’t been to a doctor in years for anything other than a sinus infection.

So Why Write This?:

Great question. The answer is simple, pressure. All these things I’ve mentioned as being “wrong” have been going on for a long time. I’ve wanted to fix one or all, but have seemed to lack a sense of urgency. I haven’t shown that I want it, but I haven’t had anybody to call me on it like I did at work. I need the fear of someone checking up on me, and that’s where this blog comes in. While your encouraging words and tips will be greatly appreciated, I want someone to follow for the sole reason of calling me out when I slip up. I’d love for anyone who reads this to share it with everyone they know. The more people that read this and know what I am trying to do, the more pressure to actually get it done. I want this, and I want to be an example to my kids, my foster kids, and the world around me of discipline and dedication.

The Plan:

If you want something done, you need to do it yourself. Quit sitting around waiting for “help.” That’s what I plan to do. My plan is quick, and difficult. I want a “renewed life.” But in order to get that and keep it, I have to get to an acceptable baseline, a “normal” that I won’t go below. I have basically two parts to this; Home Maintenance and Life Maintenance.

· Home Maintenance – Simply put, organizing my home and making it look like I care about the place I live. No more will I have boxes piled in the corner, or paper upon paper stacked anywhere and everywhere. I finally have a large basement that I can store things in, and that is where we start. Monday morning, the basement gets redone. That will allow me to redo the rest of the house. I plan on each room taking 2-3 days, and the house will be completely transformed by May 1. I will post pictures and updates at least every other day, and if I don’t, let me hear it. Doing this will finally give me the ability to start teaching my children about keeping things clean, and will take a huge load off my wife’s shoulders.

· Life Maintenance – This one is much tougher, but EXTREMELY important. Financially, I will begin a plan to get it in order. While I won’t give dollar details, I will update what I am doing, and would gladly welcome any tips of advice. I know it won’t be an instant change, but I have to get on a better path. If I am blessed to see 85 years old, I will not be greeting people at Wal-Mart unless I WANT to. And health wise, I will begin a fitness plan that I can stick with. I’ve had the P90X workout on my dresser since AUGUST, and if I can’t do that one I have a membership to the city rec center. Again, this will be a slow process, and that’s where I need your help/criticism. I have fitness goals, to run a 5K (a year or so) and to be able to run with my kids without feeling like I am going to pass out, but most importantly I want to avoid the sicknesses and medications that most assuredly await me if I keep on the way I’m going. This is mostly exercise, we’ll talk diet later. I love food, but I have reduced snacks and portion sizes most of the time, so that’s all for now.

The Renewed Life:

By May 1, I will have my house fixed more than it has ever been, and will have a solid grasp on my financial and health plans, so we can begin to live a renewed life. The problem with terms like refreshed and revived, as with Spring, is that it implies a temporary fix. Spring brings freshness, but Summer always comes, then Fall and Winter, and Spring has to refresh again. I don’t want mine to be temporary, so I am calling it a “renewed life.” It’s new again, and I have the opportunity to maintain it the way I want and need to. I thank you for reading this, and look forward to hearing the good and bad that may come from this. I want to make this change, but it will not be easy and I will most likely slip, but I will not fall.